For several days now, since last Saturday in fact, I haven’t known what to say. I watch Sibylle struggle through the steps of understanding her mother’s apartment, finances, responsibilities, and so forth, and I realize that my father is aging and that my turn in this role is approaching.
When Michele died everything that was her’s and ours became mine. I was able to take my time letting go of clothes or other potential keepsakes. I didn’t have to travel, and I didn’t have to make all my negotiations in a foreign land using a language that was no longer my primary language.
When my mother died my father was in a similar position as I had been with Michele. The property all came to him through no action of his. Logistically is was relatively easy.
With the death of Sibylle’s mother however, there are any number of factors which multiply the difficulty of managing her estate. Sibylle hasn’t lived in Germany for 20 years. Her German language skills have started to perish, and many of the matters she is now managing were things she never did before, so she never had the language for them to begin with.
She has had to navigate the notary system, trying to determine if she needs what is called a “heir certificate.” She has worked long hours with an incredibly helpful local bank to understand her mother’s investments, and to establish control over the accounts there so that she can continue to meet her mother’s responsibilities. She has reconnected with an old high school friend who has provided advice and answers. And she has started the unique process of sifting through her mother’s life to catalog and understand what is left.
All of this in the week following her mother’s funeral, all of this knowing that her time in Germany is limited – we fly to Kansas on Sunday. All of this with the pressure to feel like something is being accomplished.
I feel that Sibylle has accomplished a great deal. She has made arrangements to have high resolution digital images made of nearly 200 of her mother’s paintings. She has donated study pieces of her mother’s to the senior center where Hannelore studied painting. She has learned about her mother’s accounts and established control over them. Moreover she has developed a wonderful relationship with the account manager over her mother’s account, meaning she’ll be able to email or call with questions, concerns, and transactions.
On Thursday we traveled to Bürg to a small church that has a monthly coffee and cake fund raiser. Hannelore had taken us there before and Sibylle wanted to let them know of her mother’s death. We made a small donation in her mother’s name.
Earlier this week Sibylle and I went to the local newspaper and placed an obituary in the paper, and we returned to the funeral home to pick up the condolences book that had been signed by everyone attending Saturday’s service.
She contacted the Winnenden notary, who proved to be very knowledgeable and very helpful, to find out about the heir certificate and also how to respond to inquires from the government agency managing the banks. His suggestion to contact them in writing and ask for a written response, so that there weren’t any misunderstandings, was excellent.
Sibylle worked with the downstairs neighbors to make her mother’s garage space available, and to have them look in on the apartment until she can return to do more there. And she was able to give two orchids from her mother’s apartment to her high-school friend Gela.
We were able to transport some 165 of her mother’s watercolor paintings to a local photographer, who made high resolution pictures of them for us, starting a catalog of her mother’s work. Some of the paintings are stunning and her hope is to exhibit them here in Germany in the future, and perhaps use the digital images on calendars and cards to fund a foundation in her mother’s name.
We started a pictorial inventory of the apartment, largely to share with Sibylle’s sister, aunt, and cousin, so that they could select items they wanted. And this afternoon, just before leaving the apartment, I walked through each room with the video camera to capture as much as possible visually for later reference.
All week we have had contact with numerous people, all of who have been helpful, and many of whom have gone out of their way to assist us. I told Sibylle that I really appreciated the chance to connect with some ordinary Germany citizens, and that I feel fortunate that so many have stepped up to help us.
It has been a long week following the funeral last Saturday, and a long two weeks since her mother’s death on February 6th. Sibylle has accomplished a tremendous amount, all under time and emotional pressure. I am very proud of her and very grateful that I could be here to lend a hand.





